Today started like any other day when Mr W. is not working … lying in bed having idle chit chat while watching Kochie & Mel on Sunrise (and Mr W. wishing that Sam Armytage was back on – he has a serious crush on that woman). Except every time I went to get close to Mr W. he would duck his head away. At one point he disappeared, only to return and breathe mouthwash on me … I didn’t know it at the time but it was a hint.
Well, while we were cooking breakfast, Mr W. politely informed me that I have bad morning breath. The penny dropped … “so that’s why you were avoiding me in bed huh”. “Yep, I can’t stand it, it disgusts me!”. I retorted “but I have to put up with your ass, the least you could do is put up with a bit of bad breath!”. Mr W. not so politely told me that I didn’t have to kiss his ass. Hmmm, depends on which way you look at it really.
But it did give me an idea. Everytime Mr W. breaks wind, I’m going to breathe on him. Yep, childish I know, but that’s the way we roll in this household. I mean come on, some of the “terms of endearment” we use for each other would astound normal people I’m sure. You should see the looks we get at Woolies. It really is true love I tell you.
Now, this is not the first time that Mr W. has broached this rather delicate subject with me. Early on in our relationship, he sat me down on the side of the bed and ever so diplomatically (and I use the term loosely) told me that I had bad morning breath. Of course first he told me to promise that I would not be offended and then told me he loved me afterwards … so clearly this was early on, we were still being rather polite to one another lol. I do remember ever so politely telling him (again) that I put up with the decidedly horrendous wafts that come from the depths of his below (really that was sooooo polite), however perhaps he could turn the little minty fresh mints into minty fresh breezes by using said breath mints as suppositories.
Anyway, this little tale doesn’t have a neat little ending, but more a sinister laugh at me trying to think of ways to taunt Mr W. with my apparently bad morning breath. Although I would love to meet the person whose breath smells minty fresh at 6am.
So Mr W., here’s an idea, in light of the breath mint suppositories previously suggested, perhaps a colonic irrigation using mouthwash is on the cards?